This is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida – and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?
On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
Yes – Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
terça-feira, 31 de julho de 2007
Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator ^^
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
segunda-feira, 30 de julho de 2007
domingo, 29 de julho de 2007
Miudo Sobredotado ^^
Um professor de Matemática quis pregar uma partida aos seus alunos e disse-lhes:
- Meninos, aqui vai um problema:
Um avião saiu de Amesterdão com uma velocidade de 800 km/h , à pressão de1.004,5
milibares; a humidade relativa era de 66% e a temperatura 20,4 graus C.
A tripulação era composta por 5 pessoas, a capacidade era de 45 assentos para
passageiros, a casa-de-banho estava ocupada e ainda havia mais 5 hospedeiras (mas uma estava de folga).
A pergunta é...
Quantos anos eu tenho?
Os alunos ficam assombrados. O silencio é total.
Então o Joãozinho, lá no fundo da sala e sem levantar a mão, diz prontamente:
- 44 anos, professor!
O professor, muito surpreso, diz:
- Caramba, está certo. Eu tenho 44 anos. Mas como é que tu adivinhaste?
E o Joãozinho:
- Bem, eu deduzi porque tenho um primo que é meio parvo, e ele tem 22
anos...
- Meninos, aqui vai um problema:
Um avião saiu de Amesterdão com uma velocidade de 800 km/h , à pressão de1.004,5
milibares; a humidade relativa era de 66% e a temperatura 20,4 graus C.
A tripulação era composta por 5 pessoas, a capacidade era de 45 assentos para
passageiros, a casa-de-banho estava ocupada e ainda havia mais 5 hospedeiras (mas uma estava de folga).
A pergunta é...
Quantos anos eu tenho?
Os alunos ficam assombrados. O silencio é total.
Então o Joãozinho, lá no fundo da sala e sem levantar a mão, diz prontamente:
- 44 anos, professor!
O professor, muito surpreso, diz:
- Caramba, está certo. Eu tenho 44 anos. Mas como é que tu adivinhaste?
E o Joãozinho:
- Bem, eu deduzi porque tenho um primo que é meio parvo, e ele tem 22
anos...
quinta-feira, 19 de julho de 2007
sexta-feira, 6 de julho de 2007
terça-feira, 3 de julho de 2007
domingo, 1 de julho de 2007
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